The final judge for the Binghamton Poetry Project’s Fall 2015 Poetry Project, Leslie Heywood, has made her decision, everyone! Congratulations to the winner of the Binghamton Poetry Project Fall 2015 Poetry Contest, Audrey Sapunarich!
Audrey Sapunarich, a native of Catskill, N.Y., grew up in the woods without cable or Internet and entertained herself by writing and reading. She discovered her love for writing at age 7 when she began a series of short stories entitled, “The Kind Macy Mouse.” She started writing poetry in high school and has since written as a means of dealing with trauma and personal experiences. She graduates with her bachelor’s in rhetoric and global culture in December and aspires to be a journalist. She enjoys writing, hiking, trying new foods, and making arts and crafts in her free time.
Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, the winning poem:
Remembering the Men
Aw shit
I think to myself
as my bra splits in half
I am waitressing
with two lopsided cups
moving under my shirt
as I lift trays of chicken parm
and bite my tongue for nasty old ladies
I don’t know how this happened
I have no boobs, I mean
I don’t think I even had nipples
until I was 16
I probably don’t need to wear a bra at all
but I do
because I still hear that boy
in 7th grade social studies
calling me a “flat-chested cunt”
After work
I stroll the lingerie aisle
to regain my dignity
I look up to see a man, standing and staring
as I try to find something
that isn’t covered in
a thousand sequins
I hope he will turn around
and walk away
And when he doesn’t, I look at him
and want to scream,
“Leave
me
the
fuck
alone”
I hurry as his eyes follow me
and grab a flimsy pink thing
with gaudy jewels
that’ll probably do a number
on my washing machine
and I walk to the checkout,
annoyed and disgusted
remembering that boy in 7th grade and
remembering the man who
with two young daughters in tow
asked if he could have
“a piece of that ass”
remembering the man
who followed me
through grocery stores aisles,
angry that I wouldn’t acknowledge
his “compliments”
remembering the man
who told me
my “man boobs”
were giving him a
“half boner”
the first time he saw me topless
remembering the man
who whistled at me in July
as I crossed the street
wearing shorts
and when I didn’t respond,
yelled “you can’t dress like that
and not like the attention”
remembering the man
who, despite being my uncle,
calls me sexy
every time he sees me
remembering the man
who tried to drag me
onto the dance floor
by my arms
and another man
who succeeded
and smashed his
body against mine
remembering all the times
I have felt enraged but
been too afraid to say
I do not exist for you.
Audrey was also selected as the runner-up with her poem, When I Was 12:
When I Was 12
my mother got cancer
and so did Laura,
my godmother and
my mother’s best friend,
my mother’s only friend
I held Laura’s hand
watched her scream in agony
and die
her fingers falling limp between mine
My mother never forgave herself for surviving
and that year she buried her best friend
and her father
For my 13th birthday, she planned a trip to Disney
She thought it’d make us happy
She was so depressed, and so was I
even though she told me
“kids don’t have real problems”
The airport lost our luggage
and every night, she sat outside
chain-smoking and crying
while I laid in bed,
wanting to hold her
but I never did
We never knew how to comfort each other
and we probably never will
Our last night there, she got drunk
and told me
“God doesn’t like ugly,
and you’re ugly on the inside.”
She stripped naked outside the bathrooms
and changed in the open,
screaming her hatred toward me
while people passed by
The security guard told her
she couldn’t smoke in the airport
My mother called her a bitch
and threw her cigarette on the floor
of an art gallery
When she wasn’t looking,
I picked it up
and threw it away
even though I have never
been more afraid of anyone
than I was of her that night
We never knew how to comfort each other
and we probably never will
Hats off to you, Audrey – amazing work!
A huge thank you goes out to Leslie Heywood for being the final judge for the contest, and to all the wonderful poets who submitted their work for consideration! Stay tuned for the next one! Until then: write, write, write.
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